What’s Covered in This Article
- Understanding the Stories We Tell Ourselves
- How Problems Become Identity
- The Power of Externalization
- Discovering Unique Outcomes
- Re-authoring Life Stories
- The Role of Audience in Our Stories
- Working with Cultural and Social Stories
- The Therapeutic Relationship in Narrative Therapy
- Challenges and Limitations
- Why I Believe in This Approach
- Frequently Asked Questions
After years of practice, I’ve learned that every person who walks into my office carries with them a story. Not just the story of what brought them to therapy, but a deeper narrative about who they are, what they’re capable of, and how the world sees them. Often, these stories have become so dominant that my clients can’t see past them. They’ve become “the anxious person,” “the failure,” or “the victim.” Narrative Therapy offers a powerful way to help people step back from these limiting stories and discover alternative narratives that are more empowering and authentic.
Understanding the Stories We Tell Ourselves
In my practice, I’ve noticed that people rarely come to therapy saying, “I have a problem.” Instead, they say things like, “I am depressed,” “I am broken,” or “I am a mess.” This might seem like a small distinction, but it’s actually profound. When we identify ourselves as the problem, we become fused with our difficulties in a way that makes change seem impossible.
Narrative Therapy, developed by Michael White and David Epston, is based on the idea that we are all storytellers. We constantly create meaning from our experiences by organizing them into stories. The problem arises when we get stuck in stories that limit our possibilities and define us in narrow, often negative ways.
Think about it this way: if someone asked you to describe yourself, you’d probably tell a story. You might focus on your struggles, your failures, or your limitations. But what if I asked you to tell the story of your resilience? Or the story of times you’ve been creative, brave, or kind? Suddenly, a completely different narrative emerges. Both stories are true, but they lead to very different conclusions about who you are and what you’re capable of.
How Problems Become Identity
In my experience, people often arrive at therapy completely overwhelmed by what they call “their” depression, “their” anxiety, or “their” anger. The problem has become so central to their identity that they can’t imagine life without it. I often hear statements like:
“I’ve always been an anxious person” “I’m just not good with relationships” “Anger runs in my family” “I’m the black sheep”
These statements might contain some truth, but they’ve become totalizing stories that leave little room for other possibilities. When we believe these stories completely, we start looking for evidence that confirms them and ignoring evidence that contradicts them. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The Power of Externalization
One of the most transformative techniques I use in Narrative Therapy is called externalization. Instead of saying “I am depressed,” we might explore how “depression” has been affecting the person’s life. This subtle shift in language creates space between the person and the problem.
Let me share an example from my practice. Maria came to see me feeling completely defeated by what she called her “social anxiety.” She described herself as “just a shy, awkward person who can’t handle social situations.” Through our conversations, we began to explore how “social anxiety” had been interfering with her life, almost like an unwelcome visitor that showed up uninvited.
As we externalized the anxiety, Maria began to see that there were times when she had stood up to it. She remembered giving a presentation at work that went well, having a meaningful conversation with a neighbor, and feeling comfortable at her nephew’s birthday party. These weren’t just lucky exceptions – they were evidence of Maria’s ability to resist the influence of social anxiety.
Discovering Unique Outcomes
Every problem-saturated story has gaps – moments when the problem wasn’t in control. In Narrative Therapy, we call these “unique outcomes.” These are the times when the person acted in ways that contradicted their dominant story about themselves.
I spend considerable time with clients exploring these unique outcomes. When someone tells me they’re “always angry,” I become curious about the times when they weren’t angry, especially when they might have expected to be. When someone says they’re “terrible at relationships,” I want to hear about moments of connection, understanding, or successful conflict resolution.
These aren’t just feel-good exercises. These unique outcomes reveal important information about the person’s values, skills, and preferred identity. They show us what’s possible when the problem isn’t running the show.
Re-authoring Life Stories
The goal of Narrative Therapy isn’t to pretend problems don’t exist or to replace negative stories with unrealistically positive ones. Instead, we work together to develop a richer, more complex story that includes both struggles and strengths, both difficulties and possibilities.
I think of this process as collaborative biography. My clients are the experts on their own lives, and I’m like a curious interviewer helping them discover and develop alternative storylines that have been marginalized or overlooked.
For example, James came to therapy seeing himself as a “failure” because he’d been fired from two jobs and was struggling to find steady work. As we explored his story more deeply, we discovered a thread of resilience and creativity that ran through his life. He’d started his own small business in college, had taught himself multiple skills, and had always found ways to survive difficult circumstances.
We didn’t ignore his employment struggles, but we began to develop an alternative story about James as someone who was entrepreneurial, adaptable, and determined. This new story didn’t erase his challenges, but it gave him a different foundation from which to approach them.
The Role of Audience in Our Stories
One insight that has particularly struck me in my practice is how much our stories are shaped by our perceived audience. Many of my clients have internalized the voices of critical parents, disappointed teachers, or judgmental peers. These internalized voices become part of the dominant story, constantly commenting on their choices and reinforcing limiting narratives.
In Narrative Therapy, we explore who would be most interested in and supportive of the person’s preferred story. Sometimes this includes identifying people from their past who saw their potential, or imagining how future generations might view their struggles and triumphs.
I often ask questions like: “Who in your life would be least surprised to hear about this act of courage?” or “If your grandmother could see how you handled this situation, what might she say?” These questions help people connect with supportive voices that can strengthen their alternative story.
Working with Cultural and Social Stories
One aspect of Narrative Therapy that I find particularly important is its attention to the broader cultural and social stories that shape our individual narratives. Many of the problems my clients struggle with aren’t just personal issues – they’re also products of oppressive social messages about gender, race, class, sexuality, body image, and success.
For instance, women often come to therapy with stories about being “too emotional” or “not strong enough,” which reflect cultural messages about femininity. Men might struggle with stories about being “failures” if they’re not the primary breadwinner, reflecting narrow definitions of masculinity. These cultural narratives can be just as limiting as personal ones.
In my work, we explore how these broader stories have influenced the person’s self-perception and what it might mean to resist or challenge them. This isn’t about blaming society for all problems, but about understanding the context in which personal stories develop.
The Therapeutic Relationship in Narrative Therapy
My role as a Narrative therapist is quite different from more traditional therapeutic approaches. I’m not the expert who diagnoses problems and prescribes solutions. Instead, I position myself as genuinely curious about my client’s experience and committed to understanding their story from their perspective.
I ask lots of questions – not because I don’t believe what my clients are telling me, but because I’m interested in the details that reveal alternative possibilities. When someone tells me they “never” do something positive or “always” react in a certain way, I become curious about the exceptions and the nuances.
This collaborative stance is crucial because it reinforces the idea that the client is the author of their own life story. My job is to ask the kinds of questions that help them discover storylines they might have overlooked or undervalued.
Challenges and Limitations
I want to be honest about some challenges I’ve encountered with Narrative Therapy. Some clients initially find the focus on language and stories too abstract or intellectual. They want concrete strategies for dealing with immediate problems, and the process of re-authoring life stories can feel slow or irrelevant.
I’ve also worked with clients whose problems require more immediate intervention – severe depression with suicidal ideation, active addiction, or domestic violence situations. In these cases, Narrative Therapy might be helpful later in the process, but other approaches need to come first to ensure safety.
Additionally, some people have experienced such severe trauma that their capacity to imagine alternative stories is temporarily compromised. While Narrative Therapy can be powerful for trauma recovery, it often works best in combination with other trauma-informed approaches.
Why I Believe in This Approach
Despite these limitations, I’ve seen remarkable transformations when people are able to step outside their problem-saturated stories and connect with richer, more complex narratives about themselves. There’s something profoundly healing about realizing that you are not your problems – that you are a person with a complex story that includes struggles, but is not defined by them.
Narrative Therapy also addresses something I think is crucial in our current cultural moment. We live in a society that loves simple labels and quick diagnoses. People get reduced to their symptoms, their failures, or their demographic categories. Narrative Therapy insists on complexity, on the idea that every person contains multitudes and possibilities that can’t be captured in a single story.
I’ve watched clients move from seeing themselves as “victims” to recognizing themselves as “survivors” and eventually as “thrivers.” I’ve seen people shift from stories of inadequacy to stories of growth and learning. These aren’t just semantic changes – they’re fundamental shifts in identity that open up new possibilities for action and relationship.
The Ongoing Story
One of the things I love most about Narrative Therapy is that it acknowledges that our stories are always evolving. We’re not trying to write the perfect, final story about ourselves. We’re trying to author stories that serve us better, that reflect our values and preferred identities, and that leave room for continued growth and change.
Every session is an opportunity to add new chapters, to develop emerging themes, or to strengthen alternative storylines. It’s a living, breathing process that honors both where people have been and where they’re going.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: How is Narrative Therapy different from other types of therapy? A: Instead of focusing on symptoms or diagnoses, Narrative Therapy explores the stories we tell about ourselves. It separates the person from the problem and helps develop more empowering narratives about identity and possibilities.
Q: What does “externalizing the problem” actually mean in practice? A: Rather than saying “I am depressed,” we say “depression has been affecting your life.” This creates space between you and the problem, making it easier to see your strengths and resistance to the problem’s influence.
Q: Isn’t this just changing how we talk about problems rather than solving them? A: No. When people shift from problem-saturated stories to more empowering narratives, they discover new possibilities for action and often find practical ways to address their challenges.
Q: What are “unique outcomes” and why are they important? A: These are moments when the problem wasn’t in control. They reveal your existing skills and values, which become building blocks for developing a stronger, more preferred story about yourself.
Q: Can Narrative Therapy help with serious mental health conditions? A: Yes, but it’s often used alongside other treatments rather than alone. For severe conditions, it might be combined with medication or other therapeutic approaches, or used later in the treatment process.
Q: How long does Narrative Therapy typically take? A: It varies widely. Some people experience meaningful shifts within a few sessions, while others benefit from longer-term work. There’s no set timeframe – it depends on your goals and progress.
Q: What if I can’t think of any times when the problem wasn’t affecting me? A: We start very small – looking for moments when the problem was slightly less intense, or times you responded differently. Even small exceptions can become seeds for developing alternative stories.
Q: Do I need to be creative or good with words to benefit from Narrative Therapy? A: Not at all. Most people find thinking about their lives as stories feels natural. Your therapist will help make the process accessible regardless of your verbal skills or creativity.
Q: What if my problems are caused by real external circumstances, not just stories? A: Narrative Therapy acknowledges real external challenges. However, the stories we tell about ourselves in relation to these circumstances still matter and can help us connect with resilience and agency.
Q: How do I know if my therapist is using Narrative Therapy approaches? A: You’ll notice language that separates you from problems, questions about times when problems weren’t in control, and exploration of what your responses say about your values and preferred identity.
Q: Can Narrative Therapy work for couples or families? A: Yes. It helps families separate their relationships from problems, discover positive connection moments, and develop shared stories about their values and preferred ways of being together.
